Family

We had a wonderful Easter spending time with family.  I reflected on this and thought about it the whole four and a half hour drive home.  I thought about family and the interesting twist the meaning of the word is in our family.

The dictionary defines family as a noun, a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.  Then, you have the subsequent definition of any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins.  That's not exactly what I think of when I think of family.

See, for Easter dinner my three siblings, and their immediate families were there.  We also have my parent's neighbor Carol over.  She's practically another grandparent to my kids and another mother to me.  There were also the Palmers, who were in the ward my family attended and who help my parents at the family history library.  Brother Roquita came, his wife and daughter were ill or they would have been there also.  Then we have our friends the Betzers.  They've been friends of our family for a while and they were there with their two little ones. Now, this was actually a small group to my parents for Sunday dinner.  Usually, we also have other friends of our family, Gwen, who we've known for years, and Mary, another long time friend of my mom.  We also have my brother's in-laws who come over almost every week too.  My family has since moved, so we aren't able to enjoy the weekly "family" dinner, but it is still a tradition and a huge cornerstone in the lives of my children.  Every member of our Sunday meal group is who they consider to be family.

The funny thing is this isn't all for our family either.  We still have the family who live away from us, and then there's the ward family we moved from.  There are several people we left behind when we moved that we "have" to see each visit.  They're family.  We have woven ourselves into each others lives and by so doing, they have become a part of what we call, family.

I've tried to come up with a good definition for family.  No matter how I try I can't put it into words.  Maybe it's because the feelings and emotions I have for these people I know and love and hold so dear to my heart I'm not sure there's a way to express how I feel about them.  Maybe it's because the English language doesn't hold a definition for what I consider to be family in my life.  Even though I can't find a simple definition for such a word, I am so grateful for those I am able to consider family.  For all they have done for us and for the many contributions they have made to our lives.  I love you all.

Keeping the Dirt out of our Homes

It was a painful cleaning week.  You know the times where you really try to teach the kids how it's suppose to be done.  It takes forever.  Explaining and showing, and redoing, and helping them to feel really good about what they are doing in the process.  I've decided it's one of the hardest things you do as a parent...at least for me.  It would be so much easier to send them out on the trampoline and just do it myself. However, I know, and everyone else knows, this isn't going to help them in the long run, and it certainly won't help them have a vested interest in keeping the house clean now if they don't own part of it.

Well, as we were cleaning we had a phenomenon occur which happens frequently during cleaning day in our home.  While one child is trying to clean the floors, the other is trying to clean the carpets, and the overlap means either sofas are on the tile, or chairs on the carpet, and it can be a little contentious while trying to work out who should do what first.  This led to an interesting conversation.  We were talking about the order of things, and how sometimes sweeping around the carpet needs to be done before vacuuming the carpet so you don't track all the dirt from the floor onto the clean carpet.  This led to a discussion not about cleaning floors, but about repentance.

Sometimes when we are working on changing a habit we have developed, or in repenting of something we've done, we don't put in the effort to remove ourselves from the environment that got us there in the first place.  Just like the situation with the carpets and the floor around it.  If a teenager has gotten themselves in a situation where they have started drinking because he/she was going to parties, repenting of the drinking may clean the carpet, but if he/she continues to go to parties, chances are the dirt from the floor is going to get tracked back in.  In other words, you can't expect to change the behavior if you aren't willing to change your surroundings.

The greatest part of the discussion...cleaning day was very pleasant.  Everyone was very helpful, and eager to work together to make sure the dirt from another area wasn't making into an area that was already clean.  Hence, the real parallel between the cleaning and repentance.  I feel like sometimes we think when we make a mistake the people who are closest to you and love you the most may be disappointed, frustrated or even angry with us if they know what's happened.  The reality is, when those who truly love you know, they want to help you in any way they can.  They want to help you to keep your life clean.

I hope my children got the message...there is a lot more than vacuuming and sweeping involved when it comes to keeping the dirt of the world out of our homes.

Remembering the miracle

I feel all of us can relate to going through hard times.  Sometimes it's because we may be suffering physically, emotionally or spiritually.  It may be because someone we know and love may be suffering through these same difficulties.  Sometimes it's because of financial hardships. Many right now are suffering discouragement because of lack of employment and the physical repercussions that brings.  It may be an unexpected death of a loved one.  Sometimes it's just plain disappointment.  There is no way to avoid it; all of us go through hard times. 

I find myself when facing these sorts of trials relying on a certain amount of optimism to get me through.  Hoping that everything will all work out for the best, hoping that there is something I am suppose to learn through all this that will benefit someone in the future, hoping that my faith is enough to know that Heavenly Father knows better than I, or maybe hoping for some sort of miracle to make it all go away.

I do believe in miracles.  I believe in the power of the priesthood on the earth today.  I believe that my Heavenly Father does know more than I do, and can see the end from the beginning.  I believe there are some things I have to face so I can learn what He already knows, and there are some things I have to face just because I'm human and make mistakes.  But more importantly, sometimes the simple fact is, the miracle we are looking for may have already happened.

The miracle we need may be as simple as turning to the atonement for strength.  Turning to the knowledge that our Savior sacrificed for us so we can live with He and our Heavenly Father again.  Turning to the knowledge that we can be forgiven of our sins, that the pain He suffered on that cross is not only to bear sorrow we feel when we make a mistake, but to bear sorrow we feel when we are facing difficult times in our lives.  Knowing that if we are willing to hand over the heartache to Him, that He will take it from us.   Sometimes, we are so caught up in our moment of distress we don't reach out to hold on to the one thing that can save our hearts and our souls.  We may not be able to see far enough to see the end that is in His sight.  We may not be able to see the big picture and to know this small moment is really a lot smaller that we think.

The simple truth is the miracle that really matters, the miracle that can really make a difference in every difficulty we face has already happened.  Remembering that over two thousand years ago our Savior suffered through the atonement and because of that He knows every pain, every heartache, every disappointment I feel.  Remembering that three days after He did everything necessary to take the pain away He was resurrected and as a result I can have eternal life.  Remembering that the only one who keeps Him from feeling peace when I am suffering is myself.  I'm not saying we don't need to grieve, and I'm certainly not saying we don't need to feel, but sometimes, I feel if we are willing to remember the miracle, He will make it easier, He will help us to understand, and He will help to sustain us so we can make it through even the hardest and most difficult of time.  And that is exactly why it is plain and simply, the greatest miracle of all.

For a moment...

Okay, so this isn't a Sunday reflection, it's a Thursday night reflection.  But with how busy things get around here, I'll take the quite reflective moments whenever I can get them.

We had the missionaries from our church over for dinner last night.  Two young men in the early twenties, far from their homes.  We had a nice casual dinner, chicken alfredo and salad.  The conversation was generally casual also.  We hadn't met either of them before, so it was just nice to be able to sit and get to know them a little better.

One, however, made a few comments that made me pause.  I thought at one point, "did he really just say that?"  I started thinking about the people they were probably teaching and wondering if he just felt really comfortable around us or if this was the way he acted toward everyone he came in contact with.  It happened...I had started to judge him.  I didn't realize it at the time, but I had.  I had started taking notice of very minimal things in a critical way.

After dinner though, something miraculous happened.  These two elders had a little lesson to share with our family.  As they spoke about Christ, the spirit filled the room.  There was some interaction between our family and the missionaries, the kids answered questions, the missionaries spoke, and I was completely overcome by the peace that had filled the room. 

I then found myself looking over at this young man whom I had become a little critical of.  I no longer saw someone who had made comments I felt the need to question.  What I saw was a boy, scared to death to leave his home, trying with all his might to make himself comfortable in other people's homes.  I saw a young man who had a strong enough testimony of his Savior, Jesus Christ, that he didn't care if he was out of his comfort zone, because he knew what he was doing right now was more important that anything else he could be doing at this time.  I saw a beloved child of God.

I then realized what I had done over dinner, and was so grateful I had the opportunity to "have my eyes opened" and to see things as they really were and not as I thought they had been. For a moment, a great and wonderful moment...I could see clearly.

Not so Fast Sunday...

I usually LOVE Sundays.  Everyone's home, we can spend time together, even if everyone is doing they're own thing, we are together.  Usually it's for the most part good for all of us...until the dreaded day of the fast.

We have kids of all ages so it's starts in the morning with a couple (including the almost two year old) who need to eat, then the recently baptized child is counting down the minutes until she reaches lunch which is our goal for her since she's only been truly fasting a couple of months.  By the time noon rolls around the two oldest are getting short tempered, child #2 is now complaining about how long it will be until dinner. Anyone who knows me well enough knows I get a little irritable without food, so my patience is a little short and I'm becoming a not so good variable in this equation.

At this point, the hubby and I get hit with child #2 turning pre-law debater on us and we hear the following. "If I have free agency and I'm the one accountable for my choices, why do you feel like you can make me fast...."

Ummmm - I've got nothing.  Not even the "because I said" argument has come to mind.  And I'm sorry, for all of you who have perfect children, but when your child is hungry it is not the time to remind them that they are learning and growing and it's hard but it's worth it.  She didn't want to hear any of it, and I know had I even tried to answer, what would have come out of my mouth would probably not have been said with a great deal of love, charity, kindness or anything that even resembles any of these things.

The reality is, I know it's hard. Fasting is something I have struggled with continually. However, I still remember when I finally got it and really found it was worth it.  I had a seminary teacher who was going in for a surgery and we fasted as a class on a Thursday at school.  Okay, it's hard enough to fast on Sunday when the whole ward and your family are fasting with you.  You know your Sunday School teacher is not going to wave a bag of chips in front of you, or that your friend isn't going to offer to share a soda with you between classes because they notice you haven't had anything to eat or drink all morning, but at high school....when I was there the whole place smelled of junk food, it was pure torture!!!  At the same time, however, it became the basis for my testimony.  For no other reason than I learned that I could fast.  I learned that I could pray, and fast with a purpose and I could overcome my physical needs and desires for a spiritual purpose.


So, you ask, who won...we all did.  She actually made it until after church ended at 4:00.  After she ate at 4:30 she turned back into her normally, mostly pleasant, personality.  She learned she could do it, and I realized that sometimes trying to help our kids so they aren't feeling that "I wish I knew then what I know now" later in life is a little more painful...but honestly feel for all of us it will be worth it.

Traveling with the kids

  We try so hard with vacationing NOT to travel on Sundays.  Yes, this is self inflicted pain.  We have decided with the kids it is best to stay consistent, so keeping our Sabbath Day observance in the car creates a great deal of pain and suffering for those who are confined to a seat belt next to their siblings.  Our general rule of thumb is sticking to uplifting music, church talks, scripture reading, Personal Progress and Faith in God goals and family games.  As anyone can imagine, incorporating these activities into the confines of a car is a little bit of a challenge.

 Well, after moving to Yuma, we now find traveling on Sunday has become a little more frequent.  We have trued to compensate for the discomfort by traveling later in the evening so they can sleep in the car.  This week that did not work out and we had to get the girls up, dress them for church and then make the five hour drive with everyone wide awake and irritated at the parents.  I'm not sure what irritated them the most, the Sunday rules, the drive time, or the church clothes.  No matter, it didn't change the fact that the parents were inflicting what they all considered cruel and unusual punishment.

  And then, by some small miracle (aka the two older girls getting a short nap) it happened.  The complaints that Taylor Swift and Kate Perry are not on the Sunday music list stopped.  The girls were enjoying the family car games and laughing at each other instead of making those snide remarks to each other.  Yes, there was an occasional meltdown by the eight year old, and yes the six year old had some interesting self created tattoo art on her arms and legs by the time we got to church, but they all survived and they all were relatively pleasant.

   Now, would I do this again?  Not if I can avoid it.  It is much easier to have them all attached to their own MP3 players listening to the song they want or watching a Disney flick in the back, but the point is they did survive, and they actually wanted to play together after church.  I am so grateful for small miracles, because anyone else who has done this type of drive with five kids knows that is exactly what this is.  A small, but very significant, miracle for a mom.

Sacrament Meeting

I have avoided blogging just because I feel I spend more than enough time staring at a computer screen and sitting in this chair than is necessary already.  However, since I am starting a blog for business, I decided to start a blog just for me, and our family and for fun... So what to start with? Well, some thoughts from yesterday...

I have been attending a hearing impaired ward at church for years.  There's an interpreter up front to communicate what the speakers are saying, or if one of the hearing impaired members are speaking, the interpreter will voice for him or her so those of us who don't sign can understand what is being said.  Nothing really different from any other LDS church meeting on the planet....so you would think.

However, about three months ago we moved and have been attending a regular LDS ward, and yesterday we visited our old ward.  During the sacrament, one of the young men was interpreting... well, it was slow and it was drawn out, it was amazing.  I had been gone long enough to realize how much I miss that.  The time to listen to every single word that is being said. The time to really focus on how you are feeling and to sit and think about what it means.... I miss the long, the drawn out, the slow, and the reverence that goes with it. 

It really made me think about how many times with everything I do I start moving so fast I am missing it...missing the little things that make the regular everyday parts of life so special and so meaningful.  The little things that help us learn and grow and the little things that make life special.

I am so grateful for Sundays....